“I’m at the wrong end of your looking glass
Just trying to hold on to the hands of the past and you
And there was nothing left to bring me back”
-A Million Miles Away, The Plimsouls
For the past few months I have been working through the withering of a relationship with one of my best friends. We met through a mutual acquaintance, we worked together, and we became extremely close. I think things started to change when my work situation at my (our) previous employer went downhill. And after I was let go and she remained, it got difficult for both of us. We started spending less time together, although I invited her to do several things, she would decline. Our conversations, once rich and deep, became that of mere acquaintances. Eventually we stopped spending time together and not talking to one another at all. I was struggling to understand how this could happen. How could two people who were almost inseparable now act essentially like strangers? How would I cope?
I read an article about a woman who was betrayed by her friend. She didn’t want to completely abandon the relationship, but she didn’t know how to move forward. The woman’s mother said sometimes it is a good idea to sort of “reclassify” someone when this happens. Instead of thinking of them as your best friend, they are reclassified as an acquaintance, or simply a friend. This resonated with me, and I decided to do something slightly different. I “held space” for my friend. It was my impression that she drifted away from me, so if she decided to come back, I would have space for her. This was my initial step, but I was still mourning the relationship. I spent considerable time working through my thoughts and feelings about what happened, and I was slowly recovering. However, I was still experiencing after-effects in the form of feelings “bubbling up” when I thought I had overcome it. I had to get the full healing from this ordeal.
This led to a shamanic journey. My life coach introduced me to Shamanism a few years ago, and I have taken several workshops to delve deeper. She suggested we take the journey to get the healing I desperately needed. I took that journey and since have been feeling much better. It is recommended after a journey to write or draw pictures of it. I knew I wanted to write a poem, and I had a few ideas, but I couldn’t get it to come together.
Enter Kundalini yoga and a gong bath. Last night I got to experience Kundalini yoga for the first time, and then a 20+ minute meditation to the sounds of two gongs playing the most amazing, beautiful music you can imagine. During that meditation the poem started to emerge, and went I got home, still high from the meditation, I wrote this poem:
Stripped by fire,
My heart exposed,
Black and blistered,
Peel it away to
Reveal regal red.
Place it in the sand,
Some bring legs,
Some bring arms,
Form my head from the earth.
I need to be remembered.
Walk me back to the fire,
Fuse my body like a vessel in a kiln.
Dress me in clothes, dance with me,
Not a dance of celebration,
But one of freedom and gratitude.
Hold my shoulders,
Gaze into my eyes,
Declare me healed.
Lead me away,
Into the clouds.
Back in the now,
Magic runs through me,
I am remembered.
-Julie Seifert, 9/2/15
I am grateful that I not only got to experience the gong meditation, but that it brought my poem to life too. Where will you find inspiration? Seek and you shall find.