Boy, did I live that quote this weekend. I have written previously about eating better through a mostly Ayurvedic diet, and drinking beer on the weekends, but not to excess. Well, not so much this weekend, and I paid for it.
Saturday night I attended a fundraiser for a Spring celebration of beer called Bockfest. There was food, music, and of course Bock beer. My husband and I had a great time, met some wonderful people, and even got to tour some underground cellars from back in the day for the storage of beer. After the fundraiser we stopped for a beer at a local tap room—I did not need to do that. Too much fun led to too much beer, and guess what? Sunday morning I had a massive headache and I felt like my insides were mummified I was so dehydrated. I messed up. I should have been more conscious of what I was doing. Then the second blow…
My husband decides he wants a burger for lunch. I have reduced the amount of beef I eat by about 80% and don’t really eat hamburgers all that often. But I feel like crap so I agree to go, and besides, I can burn up a gift card I got for Christmas. I make all the wrong choices – I order the burger, a shake and a second order of fries (free refills!). I have not eaten that kind of food in that portion, in probably over a year. We no sooner got the car that my stomach was churning and cramping, so much so that my husband took a look at my face and asked me what was wrong. I told him to drive faster and I opened my window to get some fresh air. As soon as we got home I ran to the bathroom. You can probably guess the rest. My body was not happy with me. I was not happy with me. What the hell was I thinking?
As I look back on it, part of my overindulgence may have stemmed from my sadness from last week. I was so desperate for something to fill my voids that I used alcohol and food – which ultimately backfired. Sometimes I get this way as kind of rock bottom reminder to get myself back on track with eating and drinking moderately. It has been a long time since I felt that bad. So after a little self-analyzation, I took action.
After lunch, all I wanted to do was take a nap. I was tired but starting to feel better. However, I usually impose a little self-punishment by NOT taking a nap when I overindulge. Well I guess my dog was in on it, because he refused to let me nap and kept staring at me until I got up and took him for a walk. It was 60 degrees in Cincinnati on the last day of January so it was a great day for a long walk. Breathing in the air, feeling the wind in my face, it was revitalizing. We spent 45 minutes taking in nature, and I was feeling better.
When we got back, I started to do some cleaning. Post-indulgence I like to clean. I think I use it as a metaphor to wash the ick out of my body and “right my ship”. So I got things organized, put away and cleaned.
After the cleaning, I got out some homework I needed to do for my coaching sessions. Connecting with spirit, redirecting my addled brain to something productive reminded me of how much MORE I liked feeling like that as opposed to the way I woke up. It was definitely a motivator that I saved to refer back on if I felt like overindulging again.
I also decided to take a restorative yoga class that night. I needed some self-care and it provided exactly what I needed. I came home feeling like my old self – the smart, good choice person I know I am at heart.
I make mistakes. I have the best intentions. Sometimes some nasty old habits come back and bite me. I regroup. I use the tools I know well that heal me – nature, organization, connection to spirit, and yoga.
Writing this blog helps too. To put my mistakes out there, in black and white, for all to see. It is a motivator to live better, make better choices. It also tells me that I need to use my tools to heal on a more consistent basis so I am not using things like food and alcohol to fill voids. I could have spent the day beating myself up for my mistakes, but instead I spent time figuring out why it happened, and what I can do to prevent it going forward.
I will make more mistakes, I have no doubt. But now I feel like I can learn from them and make the times in between just that much better.
“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”