The Fourth Relation in Hard Choices

“When we create reasons for ourselves to become this kind of person rather than that, we wholeheartedly become the people that we are. You might say that we become the authors of our own lives.” – Ruth Chang: How to make hard choices | TED Talk | TED.com

Have you had to make a tough decision lately?  Perhaps you decided to break up with someone, or to choose between two apartments, or to keep your current older car or buy a new one.  There are reasons for and against both choices, so you feel stuck.

I found myself in this situation over the weekend.  Someone reached out to me for help, and I wanted to help that person.  Unfortunately, we just couldn’t connect in order to make that happen.  After the fourth or fifth failed attempt to connect, I had to really think about the situation.  I got out of my brain and asked the universe to help me decide.  And the conclusion I came to is that I am not the right person to help at this time.  If it is meant to be our paths will cross again.   It was very difficult, but I am at peace with the decision because I know if it is meant to happen the universe will bring us together again.

Perhaps if I had seen this Ted Talk by Ruth Chang, I would have had additional perspective.  She presents the “fourth relation” in hard choices, a relation in addition to equal, less than, or more than, that can make decision making somewhat easier.  She continues by relaying how we think about that fourth relation can be the driver in our choice, and how that choice can define who we are.

I encourage you to spend 15 minutes watching and really listening to what she has to say.  If you are in the middle of muddling through a hard choice, or if you want to be prepared for the future, her presentation is worth the time.  I found it not only fascinating, but helpful as well.

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